Thursday 26 November 2009

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

It's been a while since I last updated this blog. It's weird- sometimes I can't stop myself from typing down every single cinematic thought I have and other times I just cannae be arsed. Well, I figured it was time to end this lull with a fairly long review of some sparkly vampire nonsense.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)


It's very easy to sneer at the Twilight phenomenon. I mean vampires that sparkle in the sunlight? What's next- Frankenstein's monster wearing pink Speedos? However, since the first Twilight was marginally better than a kick in the nuts, I figured I'd better check out New Moon, lest I loosen my grip on popular culture's jugular.

"Have you ever had a secret you couldn't tell anyone?"

New Moon is a direct sequel to 2008's massively popular teen vamp flick Twilight. We again follow the life and romance of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) as she continues her relationship with vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). However, when Edward suddenly leaves, Bella becomes depressed and is driven into the incredibly muscly arms of childhood friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) who has a dark secret of his own- he's a werewolf. The plot of New Moon is much, much better than Twilight's slice of banality. The characters are more interesting, the action actually moves outside of the dreary town of Forks and the general feel to it is a lot more enjoyable. Having said that, Kristen Stewart's inability to actually act bugged the fuck out of me. Good ol' R-Pattz wasn't much better, always looking like he's trying to scowl directly after having a gallon of Botox pumped into his face. Special mentions go to Ashley Greene and Michael Sheen, bringing incredible sexiness and brilliance to proceedings, respectively.

As I said in my review of the first film, I know I'm not exactly welcome at the Twilight party. However, I did find this film more accessible than the first. Whilst the arse-clenchingly embarrassing dialogue is still present- "
Bella, you give me everything by just breathing." it's broken up with light humour and action beats, which keeps the whole thing running smoothly. I felt that New Moon was going to revert back to mopey form when Edward leaves and Bella drips around like a rain-soaked crumpet. However, it pulled it back with her interactions with Jacob, a considerably more likeable character than zero charisma Cullen.

Onto the business of the werewolves. I actually thought that they were well done, albiet some shonky CG slightly lessening the impact of seeing feckin' huge wolves on screen. There is no doubt who the film is aimed at when you find that Jacob will take his shirt off at a moment's notice. While it will inevitably cause giggles from anyone over 14, let's just remember that girls are always flinging their tops off in teen movies, it's nice to see some role reversal for a change. Plus, I'd be perpetually ripping my shirt off too if I didn't have the physique of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man...

The one thing that kept striking me about New Moon was how well it was shot and scored. Some of the camera work is truly impressive and the soundtrack is great. One of the best scenes is when the wolves are chasing series baddie Victoria through the woods, intercut with Bella diving off a cliff, set to Thom Yorke's Hearing Damage. It's a genuinely fantastic scene and is now in my top 10 film scenes of the year. Honestly.

"It would be nice to not want to kill you all the time."

New Moon is an enjoyable film. Whilst the two leads still have all the chemistry of their action figure counterparts, the relationship between Bella and her dad and later, Bella and Jacob are done well enough to keep you watching 'til the end. Yeah, I had problems with it (dialogue, smack-in-the-face obvious product placement) but they weren't enough to spoil the film as a whole. It won't be for everyone, but if your check your scepticism at the door, you may be in for a pleasant surprise.


Sunday 8 November 2009

Angels & Demons

After finally getting to see this film, I felt it rude not to witter on at great length about it, pointing out any flaws to make myself feel like a big man.

Angels & Demons (2009)

I don't know what it is, but I seem to be a glutton for cinematic punishment. If a film has some bad buzz about it, I'm immediately more intrigued by it and will try and seek it out. It's probably because I like tearing into bad films with my claws of unnecessary indignation, but maybe it's to do with the fact that I like seeing what makes a bad film bad in the first place and make a mental note not to make that mistake when my filmic magnum opus finally comes to fruition- Capt. Dick Thrust and the Exhibitionist, Nymphomaniacal Women of Boobalonia.

"Religion is flawed because man is flawed."

After some anti-matter created by the Large Hadron Collider is stolen and placed somewhere in Vatican City, it's up to Prof. Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) to decipher a centuries old mystery and stop the Vatican from being turned into a holy dust cloud. The plot is utterly stupid, but I wasn't expecting anything compelling. It's there as a way of connecting the clue solving, and that's fine by me. I still feel that Tom Hanks is miscast as Langdon, but at least he's cut out a little niche for himself in the role, and his hair is less ridiculous. As for Ewan McGregor's Oirish priest, he was alright but the bad accent kept distracting me from the tings dat were being said, begorrah!

Angels & Demons seems to have decided to cater exclusively for the residents of Duncetown. Gone are most of the "working out the clues" bits and the talky bits and we are left with Robert Langdon : Human Super-Computer, who can work out obscure clues in nanoseconds flat. Throughout the film there were exchanges like this:

"LANGDON: Wait a minute- that statue seems to be holding a fish!
WATCHMATITS: A fish?!
LANGDON: Yes. Now,"fish" rhymes with "dish" and "dish" is the first part of the word "disciples" if you say it like Sean Connery.
WATCHAMATITS: ...
LANGDON: Plus, it's 7 o'clock. That must mean that we must go to the 7th Disciple's place of burial. To St. Barry's Cathedral!"


One of the only things I liked about The Da Vinci Code was all the explaining stuff, as I'm a fan of history in general and conspiracy angles in films, however- we're not given enough time to dwell on anything interesting as the film is tear-arsing to the next church before the audience can blink.

In terms of things I liked, there were quite a few things. Tom Hanks is always watchable, the sets and locations are truly incredible and I liked the way that the cardinals were killed in a Se7en-type way, by using the four elements. I really liked the scene set in the Vatican Archives where Langdon has to escape the hermetically-sealed room whilst running out of air. It's tense and very well done.

The ending let the whole thing down for me, I won't spoil it, but if a certain character had died in an act of heroism rather than changing tact for no apparent reason I would have liked the film a lot more. Plus, it seemed like after the furore that The Da Vinci Code caused, Angels & Demons wants to suck up to the Catholic Church, by painting them in a good light throughout. After the Atheism fest that was the first film, to turn round and give God the ol' thumbs up seems like an odd direction to take.

"Faith is a gift that I have yet to receive."

Still, Angels & Demons kept me amused. It's bollocks, but entertaining bollocks. Just switch off your brain and treat the massive flaws as part of the fun.

Thursday 5 November 2009

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

After ages of neglect, I'm back with another review to reclaim what is rightfully mine. Can't think of anything else to put here. Kthanxbye!

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)


As I've said before on this very blog, I'm not the biggest Gilliam fan out there. I can appreciate his brilliant visual style, I've always found very little actual substance underneath the surface gloss. It's hard to explain, but I always feel that something is off-kilter whilst watching a Gilliam production- be it purposeful or not, it still irks me slightly.

"Nothing is permanent, not even death."

Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) leads a travelling theatre troupe with a difference: they transport audiences into a realm of strange wonders. But he risks losing the soul of his daughter, Valentina (Lily Cole) in a bet with the Devil (Tom Waits) that newcomer Tony (Heath Ledger) might help or hinder. I liked the story and loved the Faustian element to it all (Doctor Faustus is probably my favourite of "the classics"). I know you shouldn't speak ill of the dead (although- what the fuck are they going to do about it?) but Heath Ledger was pretty average as Tony. Maybe it's because I was so blown away by his Joker portrayal but I expected fantastic things from Mr. Ledger rather than Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein (from A Knight's Tale) with the word "mate" thrown in on occasion. Lily Cole surprised me with her ability to actually act (although her unusual facial structure kept reminding me of that creepy Chris Cunningham PlayStation ad) However, Tom Waits stole every scene he was in, with his portrayal of the Devil. He was amazing.

The big thing people want to find out about the film is how the story was affected by Ledger's death. Many know that Ledger's friends- Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell stepped in to complete the late actor's unfinished scenes. To be honest, if I hadn't known that Ledger had died, I would have thought that the "changing faces" thing was completely organic. It works really well. However, I wasn't really that impressed with Johnny Depp, Jude Law or Colin Farrell in their scenes. Jude Law was pretty bland, Colin Farrell was, well Colin Farrell with a funny wig and Johnny Depp managed to squeeze in a bit of Jack Sparrow in the 5 or so minutes he was on screen.

...Doctor Parnassus is an odd film, in the best sense of the word. What I really liked about it was the contrast between the fantastical and the banal. For instance, when the travelling Imaginarium pulled up in a Homebase car park, it brought a wide smile to my face. I was less impressed with the CGI-tastic imaginations, as I felt that while the ideas on display were brilliant (that multi-faced Parnassus balloon will haunt my every waking moment) the CGI was done on the cheap side and it looked a bit ropey at times. Having said that, the dance between Valentina and the Devil with the broken mirror shards was fantastically done.

"Can you put a price on your dreams?"

I enjoyed ...Doctor Parnassus quite a lot. It had a fun story, some truly astounding set design and ideas and Tom Waits as the motherhumpin' Devil. I get the feeling I may have to watch it again to fully appreciate what was going on, but I was definitely entertained.